sixteenth..

the good.. the bad.. and the ugly..

wow.. it was recently brought to my attention that my comment function on my blog page hasn't worked in a long time.. apparently someone actually reads this thing other than me and i figured it would be worth it to try to fix it.. result: couldnt fix it so i had to start from scratch and redesign again.. spent way too much time on it already and i think my wife has been patient beyond necessity at this point.. for all my reader (jacob) out there, thanks for being patient and feel free to comment as much as you want..

before i go to bed i want to put somethin down before i forget.. im getting close to being done with my emergency medical technician (emt-1) class and im lookin forward to having my wed. nights free again.. anyway, yesterday while i was at class, we talked about different medical emergencies.. at one point we talked about insect emergencies.. it was pretty basic.. mainly signs/symptoms and treatment for stings or bites from snakes, spiders, bees, ticks, etc.. during the discussion, i got to thinking about why god would even allow these insects, reptiles, killers to even exist if they could harm, hurt, or even kill someone.. at first it seemed rather unnecessary but truth became clear..

we talked a little bit about the need for every living creation and that without certain creatures, the world or creation would be unbalanced.. the ecosystem would be flawed and incomplete.. every living thing has a part to play in the circle of life.. (i feel like mufasa now).. (ok not anymore).. anyway, its as if nothing is insignificant and everything matters.. you cant have one without the other.. it goes against how we are design to function..

this lead me to think about questions like, "why would god allow so much pain in the world?" or "does god really care about all creation?" "what about the the millions who have died of pain, suffering, hunger, disease, murder?" now, of course anyone could read really deep into these questions, but that night i was reminded that without the bad in my life, i can do no good.. i am incomplete without my sin, shortcomings, flaws.. it is in the darkness of my life that i find true light.. i am a lost soul that is only made whole by love himself.. in this spiritual balance, the righteous is never better than the unrighteous.. when i find that im living my life in goodness, i sure as heck better care as much for the bad as i would the good.. we are all connected through love..

live love, sing love, dance love, give love..

fifteenth..

"waitin on the world to change"

it amazes me how i can be so broken but feel like im whole.. ive been searching my soul for a truth that has never been hiding.. i eagerly live everyday hoping to make a difference.. its as if ive been hoping to make a difference for so long now that it feels like i dont even know what that means anymore.. i am guilty of going about my life preachin impact, difference, and change, but these concepts feel foreign to me.. i always thought that one day i would grow up and make someones life better but i have failed to live by my own expectations.. sure, i think im a nice person but nice just doesnt seem to cut it anymore..

i desire change and difference in the world for better through the global affection of love.. ive been so focused on my own self, family, community, bubble that i usually neglect the world, the globe, all mankind.. i try to read different books and participate in different conversations with friends around the country, all hoping that someday we could all do something to make the earth a better place.. i have found that if my heart never takes physical action, then my words are cheap, my hands are closed, and my heart is cold..

i grew up in a society that taught me cultural values like "only the strong survive", "do whatever i got to do to get mine"," god only helps those who help themselves", or "survival of the fittest." i feel like these values taught me to be a person that i dont like.. these values reflect the american dream which says, "i need to look out for #1 and thats me." sadly i think this has been the life i have been living.. i know that i am far most concerned with self-preservation than my neighbor.. this seems very contradictory to the teachings of jesus..

i believe that when jesus came to the earth, he was far more concerned with ALL of humanity instead of just me or you.. sometimes the tendency is to think that jesus came to die for me or loves me so much that instead of focusing on the well-being of humanity globally, we focus on ourselves.. it is a good sign of bad news if we look at the teachings of jesus and find our actions contradicting his..

ive have decided that in order to make a difference in my life, i must make a difference in the world.. now, i dont have the knowledge or resources to cure worldwide diseases, but i have been encouraged by the actions of many to make a small difference daily.. scripture has no life or substance unless we meet it with action.. im thankful that jesus wasnt in the business of self-preservation on the cross but instead presented selflessness for the unworthy..

i have joined others in pursuing how to make a global impact on the world and taking words, "good ideas", and putting them into action.. im guilty of my own selfish actions.. i know that the change needs to begin in me.. some ideas to do that may be..

donating to charities - send a child in a third world country to school through monthly financial contribution - seek out programs over seas that work to better the lives of those in need - doing something nice for someone you dont know - giving to the poor and needy - reaching out to troubled families/homes/teens - taking the time to listen before having to speak - love unconditionally - practicing self-sacrifice - clothing the naked - feeding the hungry - tending to the sick - anything that involves helping someone other than ourselves