Tuesday, April 08, 2008


cry baby vol. I

as i said before, i started this blog to keep some sort of record of my thoughts, memories, things that i dont want to forget.. i came on tonight to reveal a confession.. im slightly embarrassed but i find it hilarious to admit that from time to time, i tend to cry over certain things.. i know it isnt normal for a man to admit when he cries but i find it so freeing when i can act against societal stereotypes, finding freedom through vulnerability.. so, i decided to blog these crying experiences from here on out..

heres how itll work..

1. each blog will carry the title, cry baby vol. (I, II, III, etc)
2. i will put the date along with the cry rating
- a: onion chop (good ol watery eyes)
- b: single tear (you know, the "my little boys growin up" tear)
- c: streams of tears a.k.a. the rivers of salt water.. jk
- d: the choke cry (the one that starts with a short breath taking moment and ends with snot)
3. ill put a description of what happened
4. if i can find a picture, video, or link of what made me cry, ill put it on here..

now some of these may be for fun and some may have been emotionally/spiritually moving moments.. i guess im mainly gonna just have fun with it.. now here is a list of moments in the past, mainly from the past 5 years and mind you, im turning 24 next month so these arent cries from childhood.. yes, from my adult years..
date: 2003
cry rating: streams of tears

i was at home watching this program on tv of a youth conference in a sporting arena filled with over 10,000 teenagers.. the theme of the conference was about reigniting the fire in their hearts.. the speaker gave a great message on how the death of jesus on the cross related to their lives.. after his message he asked the teens to think about what he said and challenged them to make a public proclaimation of their faith and commitment to reignite their hearts and living for christ again.. the way he did this was he said that if they were up to the challenge, they could proclaim this by shouting at the top of their lungs, "i choose the cross!"..

now, at this point i had been following jesus and his teachings for about 3 years.. i was involved with a youth ministry called younglife, which worked with tennagers.. at this point in the program, 1 by 1 you would hear faint voices in the arena shout "i choose the cross, i choose the cross".. in an arena of over 10,000 teens, it got louder and louder and more and more of them shouted, "i choose the cross! i choose the cross! i choose the cross!".. i was so moved at that point to see so many teenagers make a commitment that it brought me to tears.. i remember my dad being on the couch next to me and i was lying in a place where he couldnt see me.. even though my dad is a pastor and im sure he would of understood why i was crying, for some odd reason i hid my tears from him.. maybe i still associated tears with weakness and i didnt want my father see me cry.. i hope my children some day dont ever feel that they could ever change the way i truely feel about them..
date: fall, 2003
cry rating: choke cry

the year of 2003 was a hard time for my whole family.. that fall, my grandfather decided to take his own life.. before that event i recently decided to move to pigeon forge, tn to take part in a fall discipleship program (it was a continuation of the 10 week summer program i attend that year).. during this time that my family was dealing with the loss of my grandfather, i still felt that i need to be a part of this fall program.. after all of the funeral events were over with, i moved to tennessee..

while i was there, i watched a movie called "wide awake" that one of my roommates owned.. its a story about a 10 year old boy who goes on a search for god after his grandfather passes away.. the whole idea being, he needed to find god to make sure that his grandfather was going to be ok.. throughout the movie he refers back to memories of things his grandfather would do and he would try to mimic them.. every opportunity he had to impress his grandfather, he would see to it that he wouldnt let his grandfather down..

at one pivotal point of the movie, the boy has a flash back to a memory.. in this memory, he was getting ready to run in a race.. he was competing against other boys in his age group.. right before the gun goes off, he tells the boy next to him that he was going to win the race for his grandpa.. when the race begins, to the kids disappointment he trips, falls, and loses the race.. at that moment i could relate to his feelings of failure and sense of letting someone down.. but when he stood up and ran crying into his grandfathers arms, i watched helplessly and could only wish that i could share in his flashback of being able to run into my grandfathers arms one more time.. i dont know why my grandfather did what he did, but i do know that i love him more now than ever before and i wish he didnt believe the lie that his life was worth giving up..
date: 2005
cry rating: streams of tears

nothing sad here.. more so funny to me.. i was in my college dorm room and i borrowed "remember the titans" from a friend.. i dont know what about it was so different from the hundreds of times i had watched it before but when it got to the part where they are at camp and the white and black teammates became one, i lost it.. i was crying and laughing thinking "i need to lock my door before one of the fellas walk in"..

same thing happened that year with the ending of "cool runnings"..
date: june 2007
cry rating: long single tear

watching my best friend casey and his lovely wife shannon get married.. during their first communion and prayer, the song "divine romance" by phil wickham played.. i was caseys best man so i was in front turned toward them watching.. while listening to this song and watching my boy casey commit his life to his wife, i dropped a tear one time for the homies.. it was a real special event..
date: february 2008
cry rating: choke cry

while i was visiting my brother aisea in santa monica this past january, he recommended that i watch the movie "freedom writers".. the movie is about a teacher in los angeles trying to make a difference in a group of students who battle wars of gangs and racism.. there was a part in the movie that hit me hard and i lost it..

ive always been a believer in the underdog.. my oldest brother taught me long ago that you should always stand up for those who get picked on.. in the movie, the students spend their 10th-12th grade years with their teacher.. when the students came back for their second year (their junior year) one particular student addressed the class.. he was a guy that many of the other student didnt recognize, let along know that they were in the same class together the year before.. he gave a moving speech about how over the summer, he and his mom got evicted from their home and were now homeless.. he expressed how in his return back to school with the same old cloths and beat up shoes, he felt that he was finally home again..

i think that my emotions here were similar to when i watched remember the titans.. being that i hate racism and pity those who remain trapped to ignorance, when i watch this type of movies, i feel a sense of joy in seeing likeness found in difference.. watching this class and that football team overcome what the societies of their time say is normal, helps me remember that the world is changing and that even in a world of trouble and heartache, it can/is still becoming a better place..

date: today, april 2008
cry rating: 0.5 onion chop / 0.5 single tear

my brother and sister-in-law got me hooked on the mtv show "americas top dance crew".. this show is by far in my opinion the sickest show mtv has ever put out.. im usually not a fan of mtv other than pimp my ride.. anyways, the show is about these dance crews from around the country competing to be americas top dance crew..

i pretty much watched every episode of the first season and today i watch the finale.. the team that won, JabbaWockeeZ,
had a cool story of coming on to win this competition for their fellow crew member who just passed away.. before they revealed who won, they did a rap up of their time on the show.. when they played the rap up for JabbaWockeeZ, i found myself in tearville.. what can i say, sometimes im easily moved.. here is a link to the video of the finale.. its at the -6:30 mark..
so that brings me up to date.. sure was a long blog.. im tired.. my wife is asleep.. its time for me to join her..

peace.. one love..

Wednesday, April 02, 2008


so the firefighting has been goin well.. both the fire aspect and the medical experience as well.. i took these pictures today while i was on a call.. whenever we get trauma victims, we have to fly them over to santa clara county because we dont have a trauma center in this county.. we had an injury accident today and had to fly the driver out.. the engine i responded with was in charge of setting up the landing zone (LZ).. here are a couple of pictures.. click on the image to enlarge..
life flight flying in from stanford hospital

my good friend, a.dawson, and the life flight staff

patient being loaded into helicopter