twenty.fourth..

beauty all over..

so my wife just came back from the bahamas and she had a great time with her family.. it sucked not being able to go but i had a good time home too.. when i went to pick her up at the airport, it was one of the greatest feeling to see her walking toward outside baggage claim.. its as if something wonderful walks back into your life and you remember how much she means to you..

on sunday we were driving back from church and we had a great time just driving, talking, listening.. she was disgusted with all of the bug bites she had over her body, bummed about the sunburn she received.. now i have to say this because it is the honest truth and i feel obligated to share.. the thought of, the smell of, the feeling of, the sight of, the taste of, the love of my wife turns me on.. this isnt just limited to my body, but my whole being.. there is something about being married to her and going through everyday life that increase my love for her, devotion, appreciation for what we have.. as we go through life my heart, mind, body, and soul are constantly stirred and challenged, leaving me deeply in love with her..

back to the short story.. on sunday, the day was right.. the sun was out.. the sky was blue.. the heat hugged your skin.. the wind blew early spring goodness.. we are driving and shannon is bummed about bug bites and sunburns.. as she talks about this, i replied by saying that "imperfection is just a misunderstanding".. whether i was trying to drop a line on her or be smooth, this struck a chord with me..

i was reminded that no matter how we feel about ourselves, true love always looks beyond our faults, blemishes, bug bites, sunburns, shortcomings, failures.. when we feel imperfect, we misunderstand the truth that we are loved no matter what we think is wrong with us.. there is nothing about my wife that can change my mind that she is completely, perfectly made..

the way we feel about ourselves also tends to reflect the way we feel about the world or about others.. sometimes i find that the things that i dont like or annoy me about some people are things that i dont like about myself.. i guess the issue is, we all need to learn how to love ourselves.. i think that most of the time, i tend to put all my energy towards loving others that i forget or choose not to love myself.. i come from a very insecure past and only learned to love myself at the age of 18.. it started with putting an end to self-hatred..

well, i have to go now and i feel that i have so much to say but so little time.. i hope this wasnt too confusing.. i know that i grew up in church learning to love others.. i wish someone could have taken time to teach me to love myself too.. live n learn i guess..

disclaimer: some may think that some of this may be too much to share but i dare not see the day that i could no longer say these things about her.. part of this and many of my other blogs are on here for my own personal record.. there are blogs that i do not want to forget.. this is one of them.. plus, a man should never be afraid to share his feeling about his wife.. sometime wives need to hear them.. sometimes men need to hear their own feelings too..

twenty.third..

highway 1 - santa cruz, ca

this week my home has been wifeless cause shannon has been out of town.. my good friend david branch happen to have his spring break this week so he decided to come out for a visit.. today we went to san francisco to see the sites.. the day consisted of fisherman's wharf / pier 39 / the bush man / clam chowder bread bowl / golden gate bridge / haight - ashbury / and lumbard street.. on our way back to santa cruz, we decided to take highway 1, a 60 mile drive back home.. it was a beautiful drive.. we stopped at the pigeon point lighthouse to catch the sunset pictured above.. it was my first time taking highway 1 from san fran to santa cruz.. definitely will be doin that again.. i highly recommend it..



ps.. as david and i were walking towards pier 39, when we passed her, some random old lady started yelling, "i hate hawaiians.. go back to hawaii.. go back to hawaii".. she then started to try to tell me to go back to samoa, only it sounded like a mix between samoa and somalia.. i didnt really know what to say.. i wasnt sure if i was more offended by her hatred of polynesians or that she didnt know i was tongan.. oh well, i figured we all have our story and shame on the hawaiian man that broke her heart in the past.. well i dont know if thats why shes so mad.. just run with it..

on our way back, we saw her from a distance and i decided to walk right past her with a blank stare.. she didnt say a word.. my first thought was "man she could of gave me a great blog to write".. i guess i'll just have to settle for the sunset..

pss.. this blog took me 4.5 hours to write cause me firefighter pager has been goin off all night.. only medical calls though.. its 4:36 am.. im tired.. nite..

twenty.second..

jon mclaughlin, doin it!

last night, shannon and i proudly watched our friend jon mclaughlin perform a song at the 80th annual academy awards.. it was so weird to know someone who was not only at the oscars, but also performed at it.. he sang "so close" a movie from the motion picture "enchanted" which he also sang the song in the actual movie..

here's a picture from the Oscars rehersal..

here is another pic i found on the internet of jon and his beautiful wife amy on the red carpet.. every time shannon and i have gone to see jon in show, we have had the privilege of having dinner with them after.. they are some of the nicest folks if you ever get to meet them.. it is just so incredible to see such a good guy makin it in the music biz..

















here's a pic from way back when.. shannon and i were in atlanta, ga sept. 2006 while traveling with our last job.. it was the first time i met jon and amy.. he played a awesome show and was opening for dave barnes..









jon really does have so much goin for him and hes got a good head on his shoulders.. its neat to see amy's interaction in his career.. the two of them seem to work so well together.. well, i guess thats pretty much all ive got to say bout all that.. last thing is..

he performed at the oscars wearing a hollywood lookin suit with small dots on it.. one word.. uh wee

twenty.first..

waimea canyon.. kauai, hi

(click to enlarge)

here is a photo from the honeymoon.. popularly known as the grand canyon of hawaii.. or of the pacific.. i dont remember, either way it was awesome.. this was a collection of 3 pictures i took, then digitally aligned and merged together with adobe photoshop..

twentieth..

..victory is mine..

its has been a long process of healing since my knee operation, but things are going back to normal.. for the past few weeks, i started playing soccer on mondays and basketball on wednesdays.. i play soccer with a bunch of the mount hermon staff guys who happen to be of some central american origin (i was trying to find a way to not label them as just being mexican).. anyway, these guys are awesome and fun to play with.. they are all good soccer players.. ive had a blast playing with them but tired of being one of the only guys to not have cleats and of them running circles around me while i slip and fall frequently..

due to our financial situation, i knew it would be hard to convince the mrs to let me buy some cleats.. i searched many different websites but no luck finding cheap, size 14, cleats.. i eventually found these cleats (pictured above) on ebay, brand new and in the original box.. they were worth $100.. the starting bid was $14.99 and i decided to try my luck.. i put a bid in for $15.00, only a penny above the requested starting bid.. watched for 2 1/2 days and it went untouched.. i won the cleats for a penny over the starting bid..

now, i would say "to make a long story short" but i cant..

thats it..

story done..

i won..




personal points record:

me - 1
part of the economy that makes things expensive - ZERO

nineteenth..

so i know its been a while since ive blogged.. there have been some neat stuff goin on in life and i havent had the time to sit and reflect lately but i know i will soon.. ive workin on gettin to know adobe photoshop cs3 and im only at the beginning.. i thought i would put this pic of the nephew this past christmas.. he a handsome and stylistic young chap and i love that he is content in his own little world as a baby..

eighteenth..

value on earth..

over the thanksgiving weekend, i had a faith shifting conversation with my wiser and older brother aisea.. we were listening to a song called "fellowship" by meshell ndegeocello that has really expanded my views on living righteously.. the lyrics that caught my attention read..

would you walk
a righteous path
without the promise
of heaven,
paradise
streets paved in gold?

would you slay
your sister,
your brotherman
for another man's greed?

'cause if you believe that your god
is better than another man
how we gonna end
all your suffering?
'cause if you believe that your god
is better than another woman
how we gonna end
all your suffering and strife?

you believe
great god gonna come from the sky
take away everything,
and make everybody feel high
but if you know what life is worth
you'll look for your's here on earth

our conversation revolved around the question of whether we would still desire to live righteously if at this very second, heaven and all of its luxuries no longer existed?.. i grew up with the idea that if i was a good person here on earth, i would have a golden crown waiting for me in heaven along with my very own mansion.. i would walk the streets of gold and never feel pain ever again.. whether or not this becomes a reality in heaven, i made the mistake of allowing this idea to become the very reason why i did right or good, my reasoning for obedience, why i tried not to sin.. it was as if, as long as i can behave myself and do what the bible says, I get all of these things..

the question is do we really desire to do good in the world because it is the right thing to do or is it in return for selfish personal gain.. do i follow the teachings of christ because i believe in finding true life to the fullest in it, or do i have alternative motives.. i think that it is easy to focus on a salvation that delivers us to a eternal heavenly place, but we miss the fact that the point of our salvation may not be our future destination but our present situation.. god is right here, right now.. his kingdom is established.. the point of the life of christ is not exclusively his death on the cross for the sins of the world, but inclusively the life that he lived before his death and resurrection.. while we place great significance on atonement, i know i tend to forget that he didnt just set me free in the afterlife, but mainly right now in the present..

i am constantly reminded through my selfishness that there are far more inportant things in life than personal gain.. instead of focusing so much on the great me, i need to love on the great we.. love is not conditioned by selfish gain, but it seeks to serve the loveless.. i hope that i can learn to live not for what i can get, but for what i can give..

+shalom..

seventeenth..

in my last few blogs, i have talked about the idea that scripture has no life without action.. when we do the things the bible says, it is then that it is alive, breathing, living.. there are some friends of mine in santa monica, ca that have really encouraged me in this and have been trying to figure out some practical ways to live out scripture.. heres an example of how theyre trying to do it..

Matthew 25:35,40
-I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink...
-whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.

OUR COMMITMENTS:
- we will drink water exclusively for the next 27 days
- we will not purchase bottled water for the next 27 days
- we will take the money we save on beverages we would have purchased and donate it to an organization that gives water to immigrants crossing the border
- we will visit this organization sometime in the next month
- we will attempt to raise money to build a well in a place where there is no drinking water
- we will monitor our own water usage and discuss the impact our usage has on the world
- we will become informed about water issues in our local westside area
- we will meet again on November 8th @ 7PM

cheers!

sixteenth..

the good.. the bad.. and the ugly..

wow.. it was recently brought to my attention that my comment function on my blog page hasn't worked in a long time.. apparently someone actually reads this thing other than me and i figured it would be worth it to try to fix it.. result: couldnt fix it so i had to start from scratch and redesign again.. spent way too much time on it already and i think my wife has been patient beyond necessity at this point.. for all my reader (jacob) out there, thanks for being patient and feel free to comment as much as you want..

before i go to bed i want to put somethin down before i forget.. im getting close to being done with my emergency medical technician (emt-1) class and im lookin forward to having my wed. nights free again.. anyway, yesterday while i was at class, we talked about different medical emergencies.. at one point we talked about insect emergencies.. it was pretty basic.. mainly signs/symptoms and treatment for stings or bites from snakes, spiders, bees, ticks, etc.. during the discussion, i got to thinking about why god would even allow these insects, reptiles, killers to even exist if they could harm, hurt, or even kill someone.. at first it seemed rather unnecessary but truth became clear..

we talked a little bit about the need for every living creation and that without certain creatures, the world or creation would be unbalanced.. the ecosystem would be flawed and incomplete.. every living thing has a part to play in the circle of life.. (i feel like mufasa now).. (ok not anymore).. anyway, its as if nothing is insignificant and everything matters.. you cant have one without the other.. it goes against how we are design to function..

this lead me to think about questions like, "why would god allow so much pain in the world?" or "does god really care about all creation?" "what about the the millions who have died of pain, suffering, hunger, disease, murder?" now, of course anyone could read really deep into these questions, but that night i was reminded that without the bad in my life, i can do no good.. i am incomplete without my sin, shortcomings, flaws.. it is in the darkness of my life that i find true light.. i am a lost soul that is only made whole by love himself.. in this spiritual balance, the righteous is never better than the unrighteous.. when i find that im living my life in goodness, i sure as heck better care as much for the bad as i would the good.. we are all connected through love..

live love, sing love, dance love, give love..

fifteenth..

"waitin on the world to change"

it amazes me how i can be so broken but feel like im whole.. ive been searching my soul for a truth that has never been hiding.. i eagerly live everyday hoping to make a difference.. its as if ive been hoping to make a difference for so long now that it feels like i dont even know what that means anymore.. i am guilty of going about my life preachin impact, difference, and change, but these concepts feel foreign to me.. i always thought that one day i would grow up and make someones life better but i have failed to live by my own expectations.. sure, i think im a nice person but nice just doesnt seem to cut it anymore..

i desire change and difference in the world for better through the global affection of love.. ive been so focused on my own self, family, community, bubble that i usually neglect the world, the globe, all mankind.. i try to read different books and participate in different conversations with friends around the country, all hoping that someday we could all do something to make the earth a better place.. i have found that if my heart never takes physical action, then my words are cheap, my hands are closed, and my heart is cold..

i grew up in a society that taught me cultural values like "only the strong survive", "do whatever i got to do to get mine"," god only helps those who help themselves", or "survival of the fittest." i feel like these values taught me to be a person that i dont like.. these values reflect the american dream which says, "i need to look out for #1 and thats me." sadly i think this has been the life i have been living.. i know that i am far most concerned with self-preservation than my neighbor.. this seems very contradictory to the teachings of jesus..

i believe that when jesus came to the earth, he was far more concerned with ALL of humanity instead of just me or you.. sometimes the tendency is to think that jesus came to die for me or loves me so much that instead of focusing on the well-being of humanity globally, we focus on ourselves.. it is a good sign of bad news if we look at the teachings of jesus and find our actions contradicting his..

ive have decided that in order to make a difference in my life, i must make a difference in the world.. now, i dont have the knowledge or resources to cure worldwide diseases, but i have been encouraged by the actions of many to make a small difference daily.. scripture has no life or substance unless we meet it with action.. im thankful that jesus wasnt in the business of self-preservation on the cross but instead presented selflessness for the unworthy..

i have joined others in pursuing how to make a global impact on the world and taking words, "good ideas", and putting them into action.. im guilty of my own selfish actions.. i know that the change needs to begin in me.. some ideas to do that may be..

donating to charities - send a child in a third world country to school through monthly financial contribution - seek out programs over seas that work to better the lives of those in need - doing something nice for someone you dont know - giving to the poor and needy - reaching out to troubled families/homes/teens - taking the time to listen before having to speak - love unconditionally - practicing self-sacrifice - clothing the naked - feeding the hungry - tending to the sick - anything that involves helping someone other than ourselves